life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
