Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
