I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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