I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
