He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
