Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
