your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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