he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
