The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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