FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
