You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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