Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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