Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize