ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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