So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
