So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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