i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize