i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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