My hand turned me down
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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