Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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