so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
