Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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