party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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