Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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