I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
