i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
