New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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