I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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