i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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