Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I did not marry a roomba.
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