It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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