You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
