i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
