Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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