ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
