So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
