I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
