im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize