Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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