Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
