This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
