I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
