bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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