the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
