Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
high people should be assigned attendants
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
