Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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