Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
