You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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