and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
