so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
