she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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