I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
this is an emotional support booty call
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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