im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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