I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
