I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
