You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
