Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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