saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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