He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
