My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
