can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
