hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
