the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
